Shut Up

Most people are comfortable and capable of not telling something as it is. I on the other hand have been struggling with this practice almost since the time I began to talk. With many role models around me, I am beginning, albeit slowly, to improve in what I dub as the “Beat Around The Bush Dance”. But just like my lack of ability and interest in dancing in public, this is something I don’t like to do but have to in order to conform to the norm as dictated by the humans around me. It takes quite a bit of effort to get things right.

At home when I was younger, I was discouraged from giving any opinion because:
1. I am a female
2. I was chronologically too young
3. I ranked too low on the family tree (My dad is the third son of 5 children and my mum is not only the third daughter, she was also the youngest of 5!)
4. I wasn’t a graduate (University qualifications, especially qualifications in careers like medicine, engineering and architecture can advance a person’s status magically.)

In the old country compliant people just knew not to give any opinions on politics or even some social issues that were deemed to be too controversial to discuss at home because of everyone’s fears of getting detained for ‘disturbing’ peace. Being outspoken and investigating options on how to improve human lives, especially via true equality, might also run the risk of causing the original inhabitants to run amok. I didn’t make that up. That ‘reminder’ actually came out of the mouth of an original inhabitant not that long ago.

So you would think that I must now enjoy a total freedom of speech in this country but that is not quite true. Oh, please don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy the extra benefits but nothing comes without strings attached. Here in this country, there are multiple sets of invisible social rules to follow before one opens his/her mouth, and to make things trickier, the rules change without notice, like you are playing a soccer game where the goal posts change location every time you try to kick a goal. I may declare my love for this country but that doesn’t mean that it is perfect. It does have flaws that I should be allowed to talk about without getting told, “If you don’t like it, you know where the airport is.” I shouldn’t be expected to love or pretend to love every aspect of this country.

One thing that I really wish to have a little say is the right to express my feelings to mini offenders when their parents do nothing to stop the appalling behaviour they display during family get togethers. By appalling behaviour I don’t mean the typical rough and tumble play between children and between children and participating adults. If anyone is reading this, and in case you don’t already know, I work with children and over the years I have received plenty of compliments from parents and virtually no complaints on my work. True, some of them probably shower me with compliments hoping that I don’t mistreat their precious little Vegemites but I do believe that most of the compliments are genuine. LOL. At least a couple of fathers have remarked on my high tolerance towards boisterous children. (I really don’t like the word ‘tolerance’.) Outside work, for instance, during family get togethers that I get dragged to, I expect parents to do their job when their children cross the line, especially if they do not welcome a so-called ‘aunty’ from meddling in how to deal with such situations. I believe that if I do ‘meddle’, I am likely to be blasted with a popular phrase: “Wait till you are a parent!” OUCH! DOUBLE OUCH, applicable to people like us. Some parents can be very defensive and so I know full well to shut my mouth and not give any advice until they ask but I should at least be allowed to express my feelings (hurt, anger etc) to a child hell bent on ‘attacking’ me verbally or physically. In expressing my feelings, I don’t mean storming off to the backyard to find a stick so I could thrash the little offender with it. Seriously, what do parents think their children could gain from ‘attacking’ another human being for fun? Is this another skill for a child to learn to prepare them for school and the ‘Real World’ and so we should just let the child safely practice without any protest? I guess the answers will only be revealed to us when we are blessed with a child of our own. LOL

In my spare time, I read a lot of blogs on the internet. If the blogs are not related to Montessori or Homeschooling, most of the blogs I read are written by bloggers who are in inter-racial relationships and/or are living in their spouse’s homeland. Some of these women are very gutsy in expressing their feelings about their new home. Maybe they are brave enough to write about their negative experiences because they are not as acutely affected as I about being ‘accepted’ by people in their new home. Then again most of these bloggers probably have a very different experience to me because they already belong to a specific group that is ‘venerated’ by the local people in their new home. Anyway they don’t just criticize their new home all day everyday. They write also about other (good) aspects of life as well; revealing to readers many hidden gems that one doesn’t always find in textbooks or tour guides about a particular country. I admire these women’s guts in expressing their true feelings. I wish I could write eloquently like them to convey messages clearly without sounding too abrupt or rude. Better still, I wish I could write a piece about an issue peppered with humour and mild sarcasm effortlessly so it will go down easier with any reader that happens to read this blog.

When I was younger, I was controlled by others to keep my mouth shut. Nowadays I find myself doing the controlling. As I compose this post, I am debating with myself as to whether to post it on the blog. Am I revealing too much about myself to people? Are my views offending anyone? If this piece makes it to the blog, it is highly likely that another similar piece will be posted in the near future and many more after that. I have been debating whether I should remove all the posts tagged under “My Soap Box” for months because I was and still am toying with the idea of keeping a “Happy 24/7 Blog” that mentions nothing negative. Should I? But this is my Blog, I should be allowed to say whatever I want and that includes whingeing.